Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
