im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
