Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
