I wanna passion pit in your ass
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
