i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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