I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
