Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
