I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
