There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
