Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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