so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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