I feel like abortions should bother me more
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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