i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
