theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't turn off my feet"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
