I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
