so explain again why im purple
no
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
