Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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