strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
