Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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