I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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