I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
