Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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