My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
