thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize