So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
