Moan for me like Helen Keller
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
