Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
