after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
