Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
