Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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