At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
