Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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