what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
