Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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