Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
