You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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