Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
