i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
