I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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