i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
