You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
