New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
