Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
