smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
