i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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