His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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