It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
