How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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