i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
