im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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