I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
