i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
