Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
