do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
